As I write these lines or, to be more accurate, as I copy – paste these lines into the WordPress editor, I cannot believe that I actually cut the shit and did it (again) already. I finally got (back) into writing on my blog.
I am starting this re-edition of my first ever blog post titled ‘Debut’ with the same words as I did back then. It was the day of my birthday the 3 of November, in 2017, that I finally published my first blog post here on my website. I looked through my pictures and found one where I thought I looked really good, me in Paris with light make up, wearing my favourite shade of lipstick, photographed my husband.
I have been thinking about starting my own website for years before that but various factors kept me from actually doing it. In this original post, I talked about the things that overwhelmed me at the time and surprisingly so, most of them are the same reason I stopped writing.
First of all, the inner critic….
…or, as I called it back then, the fear. Every now and then an idea comes to me, it can be from a conversation, a thought, a podcast or, an experience I am having and that will inspire me to write. In fact I start ‘writing in my head’ but then I don’t. Never on paper at least. This is because of the inner critic
Why write? No one will care! And even if they do, they will just make fun of you cause you can’t really write
Just write on medium, no one will read your thoughts there either but at least it will be much simpler
Horrible, right? Who talks like that? Well, turns out many of us do, not to our friends or family I hope, but to ourselves for sure. In fact, there is an entire book written on how to fight your inner critic and boost your creativity. You guessed it, it is called ‘Banish your inner critic’ written by Denise Jacobs and one day my inner critic will let me finish it.
So, yes, with thoughts like these it is not easy to put pen to paper. Nor cursor to WordPress editor. Thinking that everything I want to write about has been written before in a much more interesting and creative way made me have endless of titles and unfinished paragraphs in notebooks, google docs and files on my computer, never seeing the light of day.
But today I say, FUCK THAT. Let’s get back to it….
More choices, more trouble!
This is a UX quote from the Nielsen and Norman Group, referring to the principle that as the number of choices increases, so does the effort required to make good decisions.
I remember as I started putting this blog together and now that I am getting back to it, I am thinking about things such ‘the perfect logo’, ’the perfect tagline’ , ‘the perfect font’ and so on…. I ask myself every now and then if I should I change the WP theme I am using just to bring some freshness to the whole look and feel of the website.
This very morning, I spent at least half an hour trying to get the homepage to look like a certain masonry layout, which supposedly comes with the template I am using, and when it didn’t work, I kept on trying to make it work and I broke the entire website for a few seconds leading to panic and tension in my shoulders.
Obstacles like this would have me give up entirely and go watch a full season of ‘The Kardashians’ in one seating but not today satan, not today!
Procrastination
I hate this word!!! I hate everything about it! I hate it’s etymology, I hate how it sounds, I hate the letters and the order of letters forming this word. UGH! I could just punch you in the face Procrastination! This is word for word what I wrote in my original ‘Debut’ post and all of it is still valid today.
A lot of Instagram reels and posts are trying to convince me that procrastination is a result of a psychological disorder or anxiety, or a way to say you are just on the verge of creativity. I say, procrastination is a result of not focusing on the key thing(s) I have to focus on. For what reason? I don’t know.
The moment I am catching myself thinking that ‘Oh, I will do this later’ I immediately ask myself ‘Why? What are you doing now instead? and is it more important?’ If the answer is ‘no’ then GET THE FUCK TO IT! It’s not easy … doom scrolling instead is much more pleasing.
Well, I read my own words from back then:
the truth is, if you want to do something you love to do, you will commit into finding the time for it and you will just do it
OMB* this girl is wise, i should listen to her.
If I did it then, I can do it now too
My inaugural blog post concluded by highlighting how, despite facing various challenges that initially kept me from launching my website, I eventually overcame them and went on to write a total of 32(!) blog posts.
I wrote:
Why shouldn’t I write on the internet? Everyone else does!
So what if what no one reads this, or if people hate it? After all, who am I doing this for? For me, not other people ! So, in the end it does not really matter.
What is the worst thing that can happen???? No, Really. Plus my cool friends are (still) so encouraging !!!!
This is how I decided to just cut the crap and get (back) at it.
So, I guess this is it. I am back at it. I wrote and published something after almost a year, after almost 4 years on my website. I love and hate it already.
More to come or, will they?
-Despi
*OMB – Oh my Beyoncé, because if Beyoncé is not God then what is this all for?